I lost 50 lbs in a week, and Lily Tomlin rocks.

I am now obeying the one rule! (You've seen it, you know what I mean...) I am eating acai berries, brushing my teeth with two magic ingredients, super-cleansing my colon, wearing Spanxx, applying botox for hair (that's the latest, don't you know) and eating bars/shakes/pills instead of actual food.

These are lies. April Fool's lies, to be exact. Actually, I believe you would have to be a fool to fall for that stuff, but I guess someone does, or they wouldn't keep trying to shove it all down your throat. I also think there's a good chance that using all of the pills, drugs, food supplements or replacements, creams, injections, and various other products, both topical and internal, could make you shrink like Lily Tomlin. Oh, man, I love that movie. You know what I'm talking about? The Incredible Shrinking Woman! She's a houswife (and this is the seventies, when there were probably about 1000% less products available to shrink you) who uses a combo of cleaning supplies and toiletries that have the freak effect of making her shrink to a tiny little person who then takes up residence in her daughter's dollhouse and tries to avoid the garbage disposal and the family cat. I have tried to get it at every video store in town, and even Netflix didn't have it before I quit using them, so I may have to try and buy it through Amazon, but the DVD has yet to be released, and I don't want no stinkin' VHS for the likes of a Tomlin classic. I have Big Business on DVD, for goodness' sake, and that may not even be as good.